I thought I'd blog a bit about compliments. Because for me, and many other disabled people, they can be a little bit mixed. I'm not saying that I don't like compliments. I like to be told that I'm pretty or smart. I like to be congratulated on completing a tough assignment at work, or finishing a particularly pretty piece of knitting. What I'm tired of, is the compliment that I am "brave" or "amazing" for just living my life.
Maybe someone can tell me what the alternative is. I mean, I suppose I could kill myself. Or I could wallow in misery. But neither of those options seem that appealing. Not that I don't have bad days. Who doesn't? But I also have good days. And I don't want to be called brave just because I have days where I'm comfortable in my own skin.
Next time you are tempted to compliment a person with a disability on their bravery, ask yourself if you would say that if they weren't disabled. Especially if you are about to compliment them on just living with the circumstances of their life. We all have our struggles and challenges in life. Trust me, the wheelchair isn't the biggest one in mine.
I'm not brave. I just haven't found an alternative that seems more appealing.
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4 comments:
I read this entry a few days ago, but it came back to me after I posted on my own blog about my epilepsy. Brave is not what I think when I'm living my life. Often times I think crazy, but definitely not brave.
Sometimes I think you have to be a little crazy to do what other people would call brave. I know that there is a good chance I'll flip my chair learning a new trick. But in an odd way, it's worth it, so off I go.
Glad you stopped by!
It seems to me that calling attention to being disabled this way is expecting it to out trump anything else you would do in life. Can you not see yourself as anything but in a wheelchair? You are more than a person in a wheelchair so please stop seeing yourself as a victim. You aren't. Everyone in life deals with something.
Anonymous, I assume you mean with this blog? Because in the rest of my life I certainly do not see myself "as anything but in a wheelchair." In this blog, I take the opportunity to ramble and vent and process what being in a wheelchair means. Actually, I like my chair most days. As for being a victim, I am, but not in the way you think. I am a survivor of dating violence, which is how I got in a chair. And yes, everyone deals with something, which was the whole point of this post.
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