Wow, you're so brave

I thought I'd blog a bit about compliments. Because for me, and many other disabled people, they can be a little bit mixed. I'm not saying that I don't like compliments. I like to be told that I'm pretty or smart. I like to be congratulated on completing a tough assignment at work, or finishing a particularly pretty piece of knitting. What I'm tired of, is the compliment that I am "brave" or "amazing" for just living my life.

Maybe someone can tell me what the alternative is. I mean, I suppose I could kill myself. Or I could wallow in misery. But neither of those options seem that appealing. Not that I don't have bad days. Who doesn't? But I also have good days. And I don't want to be called brave just because I have days where I'm comfortable in my own skin.

Next time you are tempted to compliment a person with a disability on their bravery, ask yourself if you would say that if they weren't disabled. Especially if you are about to compliment them on just living with the circumstances of their life. We all have our struggles and challenges in life. Trust me, the wheelchair isn't the biggest one in mine.

I'm not brave. I just haven't found an alternative that seems more appealing.

The thrid category

Disability bloggers often talk about the stereotypes of people with disabilities. Generally, they talk about two categories. The pitiful person who is "wheelchair-bound" or "suffering from"... or the "supercrip" who does everything "Despite" their disability. (See http://cripwheels.blogspot.com/2008/05/privilege-of-despite.html) I would like to add a third. The image of people with disabilities as entitled people who just want the world to take care of them.

I'm amazed by it when I encounter this attitude. It manifests itself in the idea that there are people hanging out on disability who don't need it. It manifests in the attitude that people with disabilities shouldn't be in the classroom, because they might use up all the teacher's time and the school's resources. It manifests itself in the attitude that people who ask for accommodations, or mere compliance with 17 year old laws, are being demanding and trying to take down businesses.

I'll start with that last one. The ADA isn't new. It's 17 years old and will soon be 18. I have a very hard time believing that a business can't save $100 a year, and now have $1,700 to make a simple ramp so that I can get up the one damn step to get in. But apparently insisting that it is long past time for these modifications makes me "demanding" and "unreasonable". Sorry, but I just don't see it that way. I'm tired of hearing "it's expensive". I'm tired of hearing that "they just don't know what to do to fix it". The first is cured by saving. The second is cured by asking.

I just don't get it. People with disabilities aren't entitled because they want to be treated like other people. We aren't entitled for expecting minor modifications to allow us to be full participating citizens. I just don't get it.