Thursday, May 8, 2008

Fear

Twice today I got asked the question "are you worried?" Specifically, I got this question from coworkers. I'm in the middle of a really bad flare up. I can't explain how bad the pain is. As an added mental hurdle, before this flare up, I was having an extended period where my knee was behaving itself. So this setback seems to hurt even more.

So am I worried? Yes, about so many things. Every setback carries a risk of losing more of myself. I'm worried that I won't be able to keep up with my job. I'm worried that I'll lose my independence. I'm terrified that my pain will get worse.

Of course, most people's reaction is, go to a doctor. Well, the truth is that I have seen 9 doctors, and they've given up. Forgive me if I don't hold out hope that number 10 will be the lucky one.

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